4 Ways to Keep a New Relationship on Track
BY GLADYS CANO
I have been providing mental health therapy for over twenty years. In my practice, I see individuals, couples, and families all of whom are struggling to improve their quality of life, achieve balance, and increase happiness. Many clients face repetitive issues, especially in new relationships. We often hear friends and family members express how difficult relationships become. Here are four ways to keep a new relationship on track, so it is a source of joy rather than constant work.
Healthy relationships begin with a thorough introspective analysis of ourselves and how past experiences may have had an impact on current ways of relating and perspectives of relationships. When starting a new relationship, sharing past experiences can help your partner understand you better. If your new partner is unaware your last partner stole your possessions, how can he or she understand the reason for your guardedness? Many people struggle to express their deepest feelings with a loved one. Don’t be discouraged as it is common to fear losing a partner by revealing too much. Seek individual or couple’s counseling to find ways to begin important conversations.
Know Your Fears
Many people have a great amount of fear in new relationships. Some of these fears come from unrealistic expectations and the comparisons they make to others, even though we cannot fully understand the way others interact. Often, we assume friends and family members are living the best way and according to the right time. Then, we measure our own perceived success or failure against those standards. If you do not share with your partner that you are feeling pressured to by family and friends, how can you work together to ease your anxiety? These are common assumptions we make in relationships:
"I should be in a serious relationship right now.""Why haven't I found the right person?""I should be starting a family now."
Statements like these create a sense of inadequacy, which ultimately increases our fears and anxieties. When you are fearful or anxious about something you tend to rush things in order to avoid those feelings. When it comes to relationships, this might mean that you start a relationship because you believe that you are supposed to, which could lead you into unhealthy or poorly timed connections. Fear clouds our judgment, so it is important to be aware of it and understand what is truly best for you. Of course relationships require compromise, but your core beliefs and values should never be dismissed or challenged.
Know What Makes You Happy
Life has its ups and downs and everyone experiences these phases. However, when it comes to relationships you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness. Do not fool yourself into thinking that anyone can come into your life and instantly make you happy. If you are unclear about what brings you joy and are unable to communicate that, then no one else can provide it. Many individuals are going through life believing once they find the prefect partner, they will be happy. However, it can be quite the opposite. Once you are happy, you are more likely to attract the best match and are prepared for a shared relationship. If you aren’t truly satisfied with your self and your own life, adding a relationship may only increase your stress and even risk the connection.
Balancing Couple & Alone Time
A great deal of relationship conflict occurs when balancing couple time with time alone. Disagreements can surface at any time in the relationship. At the beginning, it can be difficult to know how much time each individual needs. One partner may want to spend more couple time, whereas the other may need less. Since this is an area that varies based on past experiences, it is crucial that the couple discusses it. One person might be feeling they are being smothered or ignored. Take time to talk about one another’s needs early. Similar issues may resurface over the relationship’s course. As often happens, either person may have greater work responsibilities, caregiving roles, or childcare issues that can interfere. Over time, each partner may disconnect more and more until the relationship suffers. When couples develop good communication, they can check in frequently to make sure the needs of both partners are prioritized and met.
Finally, I hope this information will help you along the road to relationship success!
AUTHOR'S WEBSITE: http://www.canocounseling.com/